Bristol half-marathon: beaten by a cockroach

We hear from Andrew Knight who has been battling cockroaches, in an entirely cruelty-free way we should add – any pain or discomfort experienced by the ‘roach was strictly self-inflicted… but read on…
Today I tackled my first ever half marathon – in Bristol. Ever since my blue race number arrived I’d been living in fear, because I’d somehow been placed in the first starting wave, right after the elite runners. But I hadn’t had time to train and was far from adequately prepared. I had recurring visions of thousands of spectators pointing and laughing at the lone blue runner, drifting to the back through all the purple, yellow and pink runners – and wearing the Vegan Runners vest to boot, thereby giving vegans a bad name. So with a stomach full of butterflies I dragged myself to the start. I looked for fellow Vegan Runners among the 20,000-odd runners but didn’t see any, so made friends with a wonderful cockroach instead, who was running to fundraise for an oncology centre. I also saw Elvis on the run with his guitar, as well as several fairies. And I’m fairly sure that was before the delirium struck. The last five miles were particularly grim, but in the end I was pleasantly surprised with a quicker time than expected, and I think I managed to achieve my goal of not disgracing the Vegan Runners name. However, the cockroach – which I’d been leading for the entire race – out-sprinted me at the end. So, my next goal is to be able to run faster than a cockroach. I’m uncertain how to train for that but am sure it will be interesting.

Unofficial time: 1:40:43
Official time: I should get this later [01:40:41 – Ed]
Photo of Roachy and me: [You have got to see this – Ed].
Is Andrew now off practising his scuttling?